Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day Honey........
we came to visit you and bring balloons. although cause it was raining, we had a lil trouble when we got there. to put all the balloons up. but only me Nessa, Sophia, Ileen, and Jeff and I went. we stayed a while then after we went to eat at the buffet. this was our first fathers day with out you. I remember last year for fathers day we drove to Salem for your first pow wow. and you liked it. we watched a lil of the dancers than walked around. and ate. and bought stuff. you had fun. and we got to go on a nice drive. just us. oh wait charlie n Virginia was with us . but we still had fun. the other day I was driving and eating a ice cream then I remembered that you used to feed me while I drove. or vise versa. if you were driving I would feed you. I remember we would used to go get food than drive to a park and sit and eat. and we still done it when Jeffrey got bigger and we would let him go play while we ate. Or I was listening to oldies music and remembering how you would sing to me. or when we first got together you would call me while your at work and mess with me and tell me. I need to talk to you about something. and I would tell you just tell me now. and you'd say no. I need to tell you when I get home. so I would be worrying all night. thinking this is it. he's about to dump me....lol then it would be just something else. made me stress for nothing. I miss you taking me on long drives for no reason. just you feel like getting out and about so you'd say lets drive somewhere. anywhere. or lets go take a ferry! so we would go take a ferry over to Seattle then drive back. there is just so many good times I miss with you. I remember so many different times you would take me to beaches or places where there is water. alki or someplace in Des Moines on the water front. saltwater state park. so many times we would go for walks you were a big part of my life. for so many years you were what I woke up to and fell asleep to. I still have you in my heart and all our memories but anyone knows its not the same as the real thing.....I miss you so much and think of you all the time. I still cry everyday. even if its just a tear or two falling. and I re-live the morning you past away all the time. I know you were sick. and I know the Dr.'s said all the electrodes were working in your body just your heart stopped beating.... kinda hard to fix a heart that is overworked......I'm sorry Honey. I'm sorry your life was cut short from your family. and everything you loved. I know we'll see you again. but until then. I'll love you and miss you. and have my days were I cry and .have my days were I bust out in laughter from memories of the life you shared with me.

the little things

I've always appreciated the little things...... But never knew how much I will miss the little things till your gone. I think about you so much and all our times together and how much time I spent with you. I am so thankful that you were in my life. and I'm sure I'll say things that I wrote already before but hey. I cant help the way I feel. and sometimes I feel if I don't write it down I'll only keep crying. so I feel when I"m writing my feelings and thoughts down. it keeps me from feeling I need someone to talk to. I know people offer a ear to listen but most of the time who are we kidding no one really has time to sit and hear how you feel. they have their own feelings. and problems. so for me this is my own therapy. Honey I miss you. I miss your phone calls. you always would think it was funny why I saved all your msgs. you asked why you save them? I told you so I could always hear your voice. I only was able to save a few though cause I lost one of my other phones. I'm thankful I have two left. but at the same time. no matter how many times I hear them. Its not the same. I love hearing your voice though. but I want more. I want to touch your face. I remember you told me that you liked no matter how much you fought with me. I wouldn't let you stay mad. I would put my hand on your face and touch your ear. and that calmed you down. and you never understood why.. just knew the minute my hand was on your face you weren't mad at me anymore.
I remember when we would just watch TV together all the shows we watched together. I remember one time I was sleep and you were watching TV by your self and I woke up and started watching what you were and you didn't know I was awake and I laughed and you turned around and said HONEY! I didn't know you were awake. and you smiled so big, and you said thanks honey I said what? you said I miss your laugh. I don't like watching TV by myself and I like watching TV with you cause we can laugh together at the TV. and sometimes you were so happy you would just lean over and hug me and start crying. I miss your hugs. and I miss how much you loved me. you always told me you loved me. always. you always made sure to tell me how much you appreciate me and always told me I know I'm not easy to live with. thats the little things I miss.. the little things that meant so much to me. the little things that I'll never forget. and I love you so much for all the little things that left such a big impression on my heart.

Honey

wow, just reading the last post I wrote, way back in march..... make me feel sad. I love you honey soo much. and I'm thankful to have been in your life. I'm so glad I took the chance with you and took that chance on love. we have been together threw so much and I remember everything. all the places all the times and i'm glad i have so many memories. you loved taking me out to eat and on drives. I have good memories with you and your family, but also many of just you and I with Jeffrey. I just want to cry when I think about how much I love you. I was the same way when you were alive.

I remember when we would play that were braking up and then I would just start crying and your like whats wrong? and I would be like I don't know, I know were just playing but just the thought of us not being together I cant stand it.

I'm glad I was the one that filled your heart. You would always tell me you had a whole in your heart and never found any one to fill it and that's how you justified being a whore ;-D but you said with me your heart is filled and you don't have to look any further. that makes me feel so blessed and soo special that I was the one, that done it for you. and I remember when you watched Jeffrey grow up any moment you would see him do for the first time, you said it wasn't Jeffrey you watched, you watched all your kids threw him.

you were truly the best man you were my night in shinning armor. you were the thief in the night that came an swooped me off my feet. you always told me you loved to whoo me and impress me. you loved taking me to new restaurants for the first time. I remember when you saw me eating you were like wow! you love eating.. hehe you liked watching me stuff my face. I didnt hold back and nibble at my food like some ppl. but of course I hear that and want to eat more and more. haha

and then like you never wanted to eat alone. so you would cook in the late night and if i was alseep you would wake me up and then have me eat with you :D and if you were gonna eat you would wait for me, like in the hospital Dara tried to ask you why you werent eating and you told her your waiting for me cause you loved eating with me. and then when I got there you asked me to eat with you and I was like oh no I'm not hungry and Dara was like you should eat with him. he told us he loves eating with you.... just the little things you do for someone you love. and you would make me feel so special. and there were times that you would give me compliments and it was for small things and yet you still took the time to give compliments. Honey I love you so much and I could go on for ever writing about you. :D buut I'm gonna go for now. I will always love you and enjoyed every moment I spent with you. I'm glad that I always opted to spend time with you instead of other things. You changed my life I love you and miss you.

WHATS NEW!

So most of you that may read this will already know Dino has been going through his health roller coaster.. he's had Diabetes and recently was diagnosed with heart failure..
I don't want to go into too much detail about his health problems well simply because I know if he even knew I wrote this he would be oh so mad at me..... =-0 he just don't like his business out there, or want people to feel sorry for him... although on the other hand........I feel his loved ones should know. I know alot of ppl love him and care for him.
and it's good to have lots of prayer. and also the support. this is alot of news for him to take in. and he isn't up for change much. specially if its change he don't want.. Him being a "man" won't admit how scary this is for him. nor will he like every one worrying for him. he would much rather tell every one he's fine. He's the best man I've ever known and not just cause I love him, he has a big heart.... (and also i mean that literaly) from what the docs say. He loves kids, he's always trying to help someone else out. weather it be family or some one he knows from the streets. although ironicly he's not much of a ppl person, or like big crowds 8) he has been a bouncer for more than half of his life.
almost every where we go, someone notices him and gets all excited.... meanwhile he has no idea who they are and they have to tell him memmer you memmer! hehe.. theres still something in him that pulls him back from going and working any other kind of job... he likes putting the fear in the crowd that walks through his door, "Don't screw up" I dont know... you have to have something to do that kind a work. its defenatley not for anyone. he's seen people come and go in that line of work. or people that take it to the head and get all hot headed and be assholes to the customers, or try to get with the customers... and loose their job cause something happens while their off monkey fucking around. any way..... they (the docs) want him to quit working.... I know how hard thats gonna be for him. I can't see him wanting to do that at all. ok aside from he's the only one working right now.... I can go get a job.. thats not a issue. I just pray he does what the docs ask him to do to better himself. so he may be here longer to bless us with his big heart. <3
on the plus side he went to the doc again today and they gave him a bi-pap machine and they said that is something major that he needs to help his heart. 8) I know God won't put us threw nothing we can't handdle.