Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day Honey........
we came to visit you and bring balloons. although cause it was raining, we had a lil trouble when we got there. to put all the balloons up. but only me Nessa, Sophia, Ileen, and Jeff and I went. we stayed a while then after we went to eat at the buffet. this was our first fathers day with out you. I remember last year for fathers day we drove to Salem for your first pow wow. and you liked it. we watched a lil of the dancers than walked around. and ate. and bought stuff. you had fun. and we got to go on a nice drive. just us. oh wait charlie n Virginia was with us . but we still had fun. the other day I was driving and eating a ice cream then I remembered that you used to feed me while I drove. or vise versa. if you were driving I would feed you. I remember we would used to go get food than drive to a park and sit and eat. and we still done it when Jeffrey got bigger and we would let him go play while we ate. Or I was listening to oldies music and remembering how you would sing to me. or when we first got together you would call me while your at work and mess with me and tell me. I need to talk to you about something. and I would tell you just tell me now. and you'd say no. I need to tell you when I get home. so I would be worrying all night. thinking this is it. he's about to dump me....lol then it would be just something else. made me stress for nothing. I miss you taking me on long drives for no reason. just you feel like getting out and about so you'd say lets drive somewhere. anywhere. or lets go take a ferry! so we would go take a ferry over to Seattle then drive back. there is just so many good times I miss with you. I remember so many different times you would take me to beaches or places where there is water. alki or someplace in Des Moines on the water front. saltwater state park. so many times we would go for walks you were a big part of my life. for so many years you were what I woke up to and fell asleep to. I still have you in my heart and all our memories but anyone knows its not the same as the real thing.....I miss you so much and think of you all the time. I still cry everyday. even if its just a tear or two falling. and I re-live the morning you past away all the time. I know you were sick. and I know the Dr.'s said all the electrodes were working in your body just your heart stopped beating.... kinda hard to fix a heart that is overworked......I'm sorry Honey. I'm sorry your life was cut short from your family. and everything you loved. I know we'll see you again. but until then. I'll love you and miss you. and have my days were I cry and .have my days were I bust out in laughter from memories of the life you shared with me.

the little things

I've always appreciated the little things...... But never knew how much I will miss the little things till your gone. I think about you so much and all our times together and how much time I spent with you. I am so thankful that you were in my life. and I'm sure I'll say things that I wrote already before but hey. I cant help the way I feel. and sometimes I feel if I don't write it down I'll only keep crying. so I feel when I"m writing my feelings and thoughts down. it keeps me from feeling I need someone to talk to. I know people offer a ear to listen but most of the time who are we kidding no one really has time to sit and hear how you feel. they have their own feelings. and problems. so for me this is my own therapy. Honey I miss you. I miss your phone calls. you always would think it was funny why I saved all your msgs. you asked why you save them? I told you so I could always hear your voice. I only was able to save a few though cause I lost one of my other phones. I'm thankful I have two left. but at the same time. no matter how many times I hear them. Its not the same. I love hearing your voice though. but I want more. I want to touch your face. I remember you told me that you liked no matter how much you fought with me. I wouldn't let you stay mad. I would put my hand on your face and touch your ear. and that calmed you down. and you never understood why.. just knew the minute my hand was on your face you weren't mad at me anymore.
I remember when we would just watch TV together all the shows we watched together. I remember one time I was sleep and you were watching TV by your self and I woke up and started watching what you were and you didn't know I was awake and I laughed and you turned around and said HONEY! I didn't know you were awake. and you smiled so big, and you said thanks honey I said what? you said I miss your laugh. I don't like watching TV by myself and I like watching TV with you cause we can laugh together at the TV. and sometimes you were so happy you would just lean over and hug me and start crying. I miss your hugs. and I miss how much you loved me. you always told me you loved me. always. you always made sure to tell me how much you appreciate me and always told me I know I'm not easy to live with. thats the little things I miss.. the little things that meant so much to me. the little things that I'll never forget. and I love you so much for all the little things that left such a big impression on my heart.